Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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