peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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