Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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