another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
