Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
