I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
