Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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