You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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