I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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