I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize