You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
