When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
