She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
