I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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