I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
