i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize