I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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