last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
