Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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