I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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