i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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