Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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