I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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