Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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