May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
