3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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