A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
