Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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