i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
