i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
