i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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