We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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