I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
