Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Screwed.edu
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
