he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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