Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
