my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
