You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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