he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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