Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
