he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
