I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
