Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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