my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
