i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
