Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Green mimosas i think yes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
