She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
