new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize