MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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