i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
