thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
