You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
