I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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