Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
