If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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