you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
