my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I bet he comes in French.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize