i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
