if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
