I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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