She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am available for nakedness
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
