Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
