do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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