i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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