If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
