At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
