I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
