He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
