you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
