I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just had sex on a roof
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize