I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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