I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have aggressive nipples.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
