i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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