Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
