My liver just broke up with me...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
