god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
