What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
