If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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