I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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