Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
