i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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