My first STD was from a foam party
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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