i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Come share oat with me in your robe
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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