I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So vagazzling was a success
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
