I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
