While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize