high people should be assigned attendants
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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