It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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