I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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