Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
