so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
