Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
