nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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