i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
this is an emotional support booty call
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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