My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
