He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All the doctor said was why
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize