I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
