Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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