I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
