I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
