May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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