I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
