Duck Duck Cougar?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize