She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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