Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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