I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
