8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
