She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize