she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
