I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
